


Oath

by AikoIsari



Series: In Prayer [7]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Awkward Crush, Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Fights, Gen, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15482754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: All Tae wanted was to be acknowledged, in some way. But no one is looking. Especially not the person he wanted to look the most. Slight In Prayer spoilers.





	1. I

Yagami Taesuke, age seven, was bored. Very bored. It was summer, and it was the family picnic, and no one was up.

Admittedly, this could be chalked up to it being seven in the morning. Taesuke, unlike his sister, tended to wake up with the sun.

So there he was with his brown hair in a furious untamable mess, pacing the small living room in his pajamas. Not even dad was up. It was just him and the bouncy pink form of his Koromon hopping after his every step.

Eventually, he gave up, flopping on the floor and turning his head towards the clock.

It was ten after seven.

" _Uggghhhhhh."_

Koromon mimicked him almost perfectly, except he burped at the end. "Gross," he told the Digimon. "Posed ta excuse yourself."

Koromon giggled at him and a voice dry with sleep offered from behind the sofa, "You don't say it either, bud."

"He doesn't burp well at all, Taichi," chimed a second, punctuated by a yawn.

Taesuke sat up immediately and leaped over the sofa. "Morning Dad!" He latched onto his waist. "Want some coffee! It's the picnic today!"

His dad laughed, his own, shorter hair just as rumpled as the rest of him at the moment and smelling of that woodsy stuff he used in his hair. "I'll make my own coffee, bud. The picnic  _is_ today. But we have about oh… six hours."

"That's forever!" He let go of his dad, dropping to the floor once more. "Seriously why do we gotta wait until lunch?"

"Because most people sleep until eight or nine on their days off." His father mussed his already messy hair and walked around him. "C'mon, let's surprise your mom with breakfast, hey? She's been under the weather for days."

Taesuke beamed and bounced after him. "Let's make omurice! She loves it!"

"She does, especially with a sore throat," his dad agreed, even as Agumon almost drowned him out with his own cheering. Koromon mimicked him from the floor now.

 _Suck up,_ he heard in his sister's head, nasty and at the end of her rope, like she always was when she said that. He frowned but shook it away. He was being silly, she was still asleep. And she never said that first thing in the morning. That came later.

"Get the water," his dad ordered.

Taesuke hurried to obey, as he was supposed to do.

There was nothing wrong with that. School taught you that.

* * *

Six hours, and two yelling matches later (both involving his sister and himself), they were scattered around a hill, separated by clusters of multicolored trees. Tae sat under a tree with his lunch, scowling at it like it would melt if he looked away.

"You all right?"

Taesuke jumped and looked up at almost rose red eyes. Twigs and dirt littered his hair, and Taesuke could have sworn there was a little bit of something red drying on the edge of his yellow sleeve. "Kei?" His scowl faded a little, worry creasing his forehead. "You missed tag."

It was supposed to be the group game of tag, all the kids, and their digimon of course. It was a mess and so much fun. It was the only time he and his sister could not get in trouble for hitting each other. And Kei had been with them at the start and just… not there after. None of the adults had seemed too bothered at the time so he hadn't said anything. But here he was, all messy. If it was his mom, she'd be wobbling all over.

Kei smiled at him, eyes crinkling a little as he did. "Plotmon went a little too far in trying to hide. Ended up getting lost." He rubbed his arm. "Led me right into the bramble forests she did."

Before he could stop himself, Taesuke turned to glare at the little pup. "Why'd you do that?" Koromon looked up from his own food to narrow his eyes. He only succeeded in looking cute.

Plotmon merely grinned and swallowed a piece of sausage. "Cause!"

Kei smiled a bit, shaking his head affectionately. "Are you okay? Everyone's over there."

Taesuke made a face. "'S just Sis and me. I'm fine."

Kei tilted his head at him, much like an owl on nature shows. "If you're sure."

Taesuke bobbed from head to toe. 'M sure. Thanks, Kei."

 _Thanks, Kei._ The words tasted like burnt fish in his mouth. His cousin was always so  _kind_ , so different and out of reach but nice enough. He was nice and he meant his words almost all of the time and he took time out of his own day to walk them to school on the stormier days when Taesuke dragged his feet and brought Tsukiko down to a low simmer when she was boiling over and never ever seemed down no matter how sad things got.

Sometimes, like when the monsoon had rattled his bedroom walls and he had been left alone with his filled up lungs, he had wished for a sibling like him. Or to be like him, or both. At least then there'd be less yelling and less guilt and more fun time.

But then Tsu would come in and replace the hot water bottle and tell him about how school was canceled maybe forever and he'd feel bad about the thoughts and work hard to forget them.

"Anytime," Kei murmured. He made to turn, as if he was going to sit down, and an uncomfortable churning filled Tae's stomach at the thought. Then a quiet voice called the older boy's name and Kei turned right back around. He took a few steps away, back towards another boy and the Tanemon at his foot.

"Hey Kaito," he said, voice going from polite to almost sparkling in record time. He stepped between said other and Taesuke himself. "What's the matter?"

The other raised an eyebrow. "Why do you always assume something's wrong?" There was a wry note to it, like it wasn't really a bad thing. (Taesuke thought it was bad, no one liked worrywarts.)

Kei scratched his head. "Because you're always looking for me when something was wrong?" A teasing note entered his voice. "Cause you're a worrywart?"

Oka,y maybe he could like  _one_  worrywart.

"I am  _not."_  Taesuke couldn't see over Kei's shoulders but he could hear the small huff in that voice, like a pout. "Your mom's looking for you."

Kei's smile seemed to disappear for the briefest instant, then a new one slipped over as smooth as spreading butter. "Ooh. Okay. I'll see you both later then. C'mon Falcor."

"Keiiiiii," whined the pup as the two of them left together. Taesuke waved goodbye as he caught a glimpse of the older boy in his dull orange hoodie. Taesuke's brown eyes met dull blue that simply stared at him without blinking.

Taesuke stared back, fingers twitching over his chopsticks.

Tachikawa Kaito regarded him after blinking twice. "You comin'? Dai went to dunk Tsu into the lake."

Taesuke didn't even have to think. "Ye-Yeah! Of course!"

Kaito held out his hand and Tae took it. He didn't notice it was cold, nor that Koromon hadn't eaten a bite since Kei had walked away. He couldn't help it.

If Yagami Kei was who Taesuke wanted to  _be_ , Tachikawa Kaito was who he wanted to be  _with_. He never really fussed at Taesuke, never really got excited about much of anything. If he messed up, he just told him to try again. As far as Taesuke was concerned, Kaito actually  _liked him._  He was never useless when he hung out with Tsu.

"I'm gonna hit her with a water balloon," he decided and Kaito's lips twitched.

"Your aim is terrible."

"Is not."

He didn't even remember why he was mad anymore. After all, even if he had a not-great sister, Kaito made up for it whenever he was around.

Taesuke just wished it was more often.


	2. II

Yagami Taesuke did not want to be ten years old anymore.

Being ten was  _boring_. You were too old for some adventures and too young for the real adventures. All he was allowed was to  _go to school_  and  _study hard_ while Tsukiko got to, got to-

"Hmmmphhh!" He rolled out of his chair and settled on the floor, disgruntled. On the bed, Hackmon looked at him, flopped like a tired out coat.

"'S not that bad, Tae, calm down," he grumbled.

Taesuke would have spat fire if he could. "Tsukiko's gettin' registered and I  _can't_! Yes it is! Even though I evolved you before she evolved Puku!" He crossed his arms and got back on his chair again. "We can fight  _too_!"

"It's not about fightin' and evolvin' and you know it." Hackmon yawned again. "She's just passed the tests from the god lady and we didn't." Hackmon lifted himself from the sheets and scratched at an ear. "You're just mad that you don't get to be with Kaito as much, that's all."

Taesuke flushed. "I never shoulda' told you that." And who cared what some goddess who couldn't even talk thought  _anyway?_ She was wrong and that was all there was to it.

"You couldn'a kept it from me, we live in the same house." His partner leaped from the bed. "'Sides, Kei said it, Mio said it. Being allowed to Choose is important, cause fighting is hard and painful and stuff. We're not ready for it! So I chose no and deep down you musta too."

Taesuke puffed out his cheeks. He did not want to think of Kei. He was  _mad_  at Kei. Kei was a jerk who lied to everyone! "We are so! You're just being a downer!"

"Am not!" Hackmon shot back.

"You are too!"

"You're  _loud_ , that's what you are."

Taesuke jumped at the voice behind him, ending up falling flat on his face. The person hissed in sympathy. "Ouch. Yeah that combat response will need to get kicked out of you if you want to be like your sister."

Taesuke rolled over. "Kaito!" He shifted back a little, cheeks starting to flush pink. "How… uhm, how much did you hear?"

Kaito stared down at him, that unimpressed look on his face that Taesuke normally saw leveled at his sister after classes. "Just you and Hackmon yelling about how he's a downer," he finally said.

"'M not a downer," Hackmon grumbled again. "I just got a brain, unlike this idiot."

Taesuke glowered at him. Kaito only regarded them a few moments more as his partner walked inside. At the sight of the blue dog, Hackmon started to growl at once. Taesuke knocked his head. "Stop that you lummox."

"I'm quite used to it." Gaomon's voice was stiff as ever. "Your manners have always been somewhat lacking."

Taesuke twitched with anger, but he swallowed it hard. Everyone's partners but Kei's (and everyone said something was  _wrong_  with that one, everyone, even Kei, who was too  _dumb_  to say mean things about anyone. Yes he was still mad! So what?!) acted like that whenever Gaomon was around, at least of the children's digimon, like he was going to do something to them. It was too normal for even Gaomon to be bothered by it.

"It's not my fault Hackmon has feelings," he finally grumbled, looking down at his socks.

"Gaomon." Kaito gestured for him.

Gaomon laughed. "Fine fine. I will be outside if you need me, my master."

Kaito watched him go with a singular raised eyebrow. Then he nodded and looked back at Taesuke with that same detached expression he often worse nowadays. "So. What is it?"

Taesuke fought tooth and nail with his hackles and shoulders. "What's what?"

"What's got you in a twist?" Kaito replied, now picking at his nails. Kaito's voice was always soft, Taesuke couldn't help but notice. Soft and kinda brittle. Not gentle, not sharp either, just soft. "You're usually outside on days like today. Not sulking in your room."

"Stuff it!" Taesuke huffed out, turning himself away so he couldn't see whatever feeling might pop up in those eyes and to hide the guilt he felt at snapping. "I'm fine!"

"Fine as a broken compass." Kaito's voice didn't change at all, and honestly that just made the snakes in Taesuke's stomach feel worse. "What's bugging you?"

Taesuke determinedly did not answer, but Hackmon yawned, seemingly back to normal with their nemesis gone from the room. "He's mad he's not getting training like his sister!"

"Hackmon!" Taesuke leaped over and tackled his partner hard. "You're making it sound stupid!"

"It is stupid!"

"No it's not!"

"It's not," Kaito agreed, voice going like a lot of pins. "It's dangerous. People die in these things."

"So Sis can go out and die but I can't?" Taesuke looked at him, wounded pain rising in his throat. "She's your friend, Kaito!"

"She won't die," Kaito countered in this matter-of-fact voice that made his face flush. "She's got people looking out for her. You, by yourself would just run off into the fray and get hurt. You don't work well with others."

"I do good in group projects all the time! And I've got friends!" He did, loads of them. He and Dai were thick as thieves, Dad said!

Kaito only looked at him. There was no pity. Taesuke never got pity from Kaito, no matter how many hikes he hurt his ankles with hard soccer kicks or trees he fell out of. It was painful. Everyone else would feel sorry for him.

"I don't need your friendship," Kaito said simply. "I need your obedience. If you can't listen when you're told, if you can't hear the word no, the goddess can't work with you."

Taesuke gaped at him. "But dad said-"

"Your dad-" Kaito stopped and swallowed, looked away. "Your dad was lucky. Our parents were  _lucky_. They made a mistake. The goddess isn't all knowing, or all powerful." He rubbed at his wrist beneath the peach hoodie he always wore. He always bought a new one when he outgrew it. "We're lucky now. But luck isn't enough. And the fact that you want to do this means you  _shouldn't_  be doing this yet. You're not ready. You'll be ready." His hand uncurled from his wrist. "You just have to-"

"Have to what?" Taesuke leaped up, anger forgotten at the thought of a hope, a prayer of being just as good as everyone else. "What do I have to do, Kaito?"

Kaito shook his head again and moved towards the door. "Not this." And he turned away, too quickly, too soon. "Your dad told me to get you, your mom's plane landed."

And he was gone, leaving Taesuke alone with Hackmon.

The boy rubbed his eyes. "This  _sucks_."

"Drama queen," Hackmon said, not unkindly.

Taesuke ignored him.  _I Just want to help._

He stomped out of his room. Mom would have better advice. She always understood him during times like this.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence

Taesuke held the small chip in his hand like it was a bomb, like it would explode rather than give him the results he wanted, that he deserved. He and Hackmon had worked hard with the family, after all. They'd managed to do well on even some of the theory work and he was pretty sure that everything he read the older he got was turning more and more backwards.

This chip held his results and all he had to do was slip it into his digivice and he'd have all the answers he needed.

Taesuke thrust it into his pocket and refused to pull it out again. He couldn't do it, he couldn't look.

"Coward." Hackmon's voice wasn't unkind but it was still annoying! And he was still a child level. Taesuke was already better than him because he was older. And that was how it should be.

"Leave me alone," he mumbled. "''M just nervous. You should be too."

"Looks like the courage boy's not so courageous," Hackmon said in that dry voice his sister like to use to tease him.

"I just don't wanna see it by myself!" Taesuke paused. "Or with you either. You'll laugh."

"You're easy to laugh at."

Taesuke steamed, the nerves fading into the pit of his stomach. He knew exactly who he wanted to share it with him. He knew exactly what he wanted to hear on the report. He just had to hear it.

So he bolted to the high school. Hackmon didn't bother to race after him, deciding to follow the crowds at a more sedate pace. IT wasn't like he was in a hurry to see anyone. Jerk.

Kaito was still here, Taesuke was sure. He stayed after for club, or whatever he called it. Tae was starting to think it wasn't club at all and just "fun time for older kids" where they mocked the little ones that weren't there yet. Tsu was always there and she had union stuff nearly every day.

… Maybe it was actually where Union Chosen met every day and  _no one had told him._  Ooh he was going to wring Tsu's  _neck_  for hiding that from him! He'd been going for years without him the … the… ooh he'd think of a word later. What mattered was that Kaito was still here for club and he'd be able to make him watch the results even if it killed him!

Bolting down one hallway, he saw the familiar shade of auburn hair reflected in the nearby window. The hallway was nearly empty. There was one more person, and seeing that person was what made Taesuke stop and skeedadle behind something. He was still small enough to hide safely behind a wall.

"Kei," Kaito said quietly. "Come on, won't you consider it? We've… We've come too far."

"What you want is dangerous, Kaito." Kei didn't sound level or quiet. There was a strange serenity there though, one that did not belong to him. "I'm not a person you should associate these things with."

"Why not?" Kaito sounded tired. "Hirose was dangerous too and you've let him stick by you."

"He's my friend."

"What am I then?"

"You're my friend too." There was something strangely childlike about that sentence. "But he doesn't love me in the way you might want to."

Something in Taesuke's heart sank.

"I can't fix what's wrong with me."

"I don't care that there's something wrong with you."

"Then  _why_?" Taesuke couldn't see Kaito's face. He honestly couldn't even imagine it. The boy was always fairly blank-eyed with him, very calm, rough, honest. He leaned to see the face that matched the sound of his voice, raw and hurt and shaking all in pieces. "Why not try with me?"

"Because I don't feel those things." Kei smiled. "My heart has never fluttered, there is no wonderous sensation of flying. I didn't fall in love with you."

Kaito stopped, face frozen, something like a tear on his face. (He didn't cry, he couldn't cry, he was a strong older kid, Taesuke didn't cry) "But-" He stopped.

"I know." Kei's voice was as calm as ever, even as he leaned back against the window. He seemed feverish, too pale. "I can't fix what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you!"

It's the first time that Taesuke has ever heard Kaito  _shout_.

"There's nothing…" Kaito stopped, struggled, breathed too fast. "There's nothing wrong with you! You just don't love the way everyone else does! That's not a problem! THat's not bad! That doesn't change how I-"

"But it changes things, right?"Kei didn't even seem sad, even though Taesuke, strangely enough, felt like crying. "It changes how we could be, right? I can't love you the way you want or the way you need. You need someone who can. So I… I can't accept this. I'm so sorry."

Kaito stuttered, each sound cracking something in Taesuke. "But I…"

"You're the only person here," Kei continued, like Kaito hadn't spoken at all. "Who understands what it's like to be a monster like me. I… I can't have you be anything else but that, and even if I could, I couldn't respond. I can't give you what you need. So please. Let's stay as we are."

Kaito made a sound that Taesuke had never heard before and the sound of it, a heavy gulping swallow like air didn't exist anywhere else. And Taesuke snapped.

He flew into view, crashing into Kei's frame against the wall. He didn't even know what he was screaming, just that he was screaming something, thoughts in a whirl of -  _how could yous_ and  _you hurt him_ and other, worse, much worse things that he shouldn't say and he shouldn't mean about his own family but how could he how could he when  _Taesuke_ loved Kaito first at all-

Then all the thoughts were replaced with a searing white hot pain that spread all up his back and down his arms and legs and something dripped down his head.

Blurry eyes saw red dripping, hard. His head lolled, his body twitched. Everything was blurry, how did he get on the tile, cold on his ankles.

Someone was yelling nearby. Who was it? Why were they yelling?

Consciousness was too hard. Taesuke gave up and passed out.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Manipulation, unhealthy emotional attachment, subconscious acephobia, Taesuke's trying ya'll but he's an idiot.

Taesuke woke up, not to pandemonium, but to quiet. Peace and quiet aside from the steady beeping of something on his right and steady pages turning on his left. That was a familiar sound, one his parents still had in their house for rainy days and long airport waits.

He opened his eyes to a semi-lit room and his aunt Hikari in the nearby chair. He squinted and saw a familiar jacket over one of the arms. His head twinged as he tugged on his hand. His arm resisted the tug and he gave up.

Aunt Hikari looked up at him. "Welcome back, Taesuke." Her voice was soft in the same places Kei's was, but there was more relief in it. What had happened? "How are you feeling?"

"Like my head hit a desk," he said honestly. For some reason his whole body was sore. What happened to him? Why was he in the hospital? Cause that had to be where this was, nowhere else in the world had this much white.

"Not too far off there," she replied. She closed her book and rose from her seat to move closer beside him. A little too close. Then she sat by his legs. Taesuke felt a little relief at that.

"What happened?" he said, searching for a cup of water with none in sight. "How'd I get here?"

"I…" His aunt looked at him, swallowing and handing him a cup of water. "I'd like to ask you the same question. Why did you attack Kei?"

And suddenly, Taesuke remembered. And he felt sick inside. Sick and angry.

"He…" Taesuke licked his lips, desperate to soothe his dry throat. "He… hurt Kaito's feelings. And I don't know why, it sounded stupid and I just… I didn't think."

"You tend not to."

The words were softly, gently spoken, but still unforgiving, still unrelenting in a way only his aunt had.

"You have a good heart, Tae." And she was still looking at him, even though he had long since looked away from her with his head hidden in the mess of his hair. "But hearts don't think. Hearts feel. I know that. You know that. I wish Kei hadn't hurt you so badly for you to realize it."

Taesuke chewed his bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Auntie."

"No," Hikari said, still in that gentle yet disappointed voice. "You're not, really. You think you were protecting Kaito's heart, his broken heart shattered by his good friend, and you don't know why and you wouldn't have rejected him, you would have embraced him wholeheartedly. Because you love him."

"I…" Every word had left Taesuke shrinking in on himself. Not because they weren't true and he didn't want to say that, but because it  _was_  the truth and it was true in a way Hackmon couldn't understand.

He saw Hikari nod through the fringe of his hair. "Hackmon told me." He saw her face twist in apology. "Love is a hard thing, Taesuke. I think, if Kaito knew about it from you, he'd be touched. And he would be hurt as well. Love is like that. It does so much good and so much bad indiscriminately. It touches things it doesn't know not to and decides on things often before you do."

"But he'll never love me," And there it is, out in the open. "Will he?"

"Is that why you did everything?"

"No."  _Yes._ Because doing it for his parents was what Tsu did, doing it for the people was what Kei did, doing it for himself was not what you did in today's society, wasn't Kaito doing all of what he was doing for someone else.

"You're lying." But his auntie still sounds sympathetic and it hurts because by now he remembers everything and now he does feel terrible. And it all sounds very, very small. And it's so annoying. What's wrong with him doing this for Kaito? For Kaito to notice him? For Kaito to acknowledge him and recall him as someone who matters? As someone who can take some of that burden? What's wrong with wanting someone to love  _him_?

"Sometimes loving someone and being with them is not up to us." Auntie rose from her seat. "Sometimes it isn't about right or wrong at all, but on knowing the things we love and what they need from us."

She stopped at the door. "And doing something just for those we love always leads to harm. There is no such thing as only selflessness, Taesuke. Please remember that."

* * *

His father came in and said a whole lot of things and most were things Taesuke didn't want to remember. Especially not the last part where his father held him tight and said he loved him. He held him tight and said he was glad Taesuke was okay and Taesuke didn't want to remember that. Didn't want to remember the shame creeping up like vomit and how much it hurt. He didn't want to remember his mother's delicate tracing of bandages too fresh and wrong.

Didn't want to remember hearing his sister shouting across the hallway and Kei shrinking back, looking pathetic and beat down.

Didn't want to remember Kaito slapping her but not looking at her. Looking at him with something raw, something sad, something empty.

Didn't want to remember the chip sitting on his desk at home.

But then Hackmon snatched his digivice and put the chip in there anyway.

Taesuke tried to ignore the steady blue glow of the device, the polite but cheerful voice welcoming him as a member of Union, expecting his arrival the following Tuesday for paperwork.

But it breached all the way to his heart and without wanting to, without meaning to, Taesuke cried hollow tears.

The tears lasted through dinner, at which point he slept again through a twang in his head and a terrible gnawing hunger when he suddenly woke up in the dark.

Hackmon was also awake. He was staring out onto the balcony, where a Digimon sat.

Where Gaomon sat.

"Hello." The sound came through the glass, fogging the window pane despite the dog being by the rail. "You really took a tumble. My Kaito was worried of course, but he's also too angry to come see you. So it is up to me to check up on you."

"You saw," Hackmon spat. "Get outta here."

"Rude." And Taesuke could hear the room get colder, see the digimon get closer. "I thought your boy had some questions."

"None for you.  _Never for you!"_

"Shush you errant little boy." He waved a single paw, eyes narrowing into slits. "I thought he wanted to know. Don't you want to know what makes the boys the monsters that they are? Why he won't look at you? Why you were in the hospital?"

"He'll lie, Tae." And Hackmon leaped on the bed. "He'll lie to you Tae, he lies to everyone. He lied to Kaito, he'll lie to you."

Why would he lie about his own human? Taesuke found the concept silly to his still somewhat sluggish brain. Or to his own human?

"How would you know?" Gaomon was right against the glass, nose touching and breathing mist over it. "Come now, Taesuke. I'll even stay out here in the cursed chill and give you answers. But don't you want to know what everyone's been hiding? I'm sure I can trust you with it."

The word trust melted any doubts away. Today wasn't really his fault. He didn't have all the answers. He couldn't choose. If he knew everything he could choose properly. With this he could act differently. He would make the right choice and the right choice wouldn't change. It was wherever Kaito was surely. That wouldn't change

Taesuke nodded once. But that once was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really truncated story that is really about one thing: acknowledgement. A promise for acknowledgement, a promise to get the person you like to notice. It's going to carry over. It kind of has to because I deliberately made this short. But to summarize this fic if this is too much: Taesuke has healthy emotions expressed in unhealthy ways and Taichi and Meiko said a lot less than they honestly thought they did about the way their families worked. Also Kei and Kaito are very good friends and close in a way Taesuke doesn't really have with anyone except Daiki and if you look at A Piece of Peace, those two got some work to do. 
> 
> Anyway, tldr: Taesuke's a bit of a hot mess that we're only getting snippets of because Taesuke himself doesn't want to talk about half of his life. Anyway, see you guys next time!


	5. V

Kaito did not greet Gaomon when he returned.

Gaomon was very used to this. He often wandered in the late hours, hunting and training and other things. Kaito had human things to accomplish and Gaomon respected that. After all, it wasn't as though he wasn't provided the same privacy.

Tonight, however, as his human got ready for bed, he supposed this was a time to breach their unspoken pact,

"I met with your admirer just now," he began. Unlike most, there was no trepidation in his voice. "He looks better from his fall. Too bad."

Kaito hummed in reply.

Gaomon couldn't help but smile. "He really wants answers, you know. It's rude of you to keep secrets from the ones you love."

"Did you give him any?" Kaito asked, instead of flaring up, as he once would have. It had been different once. The Kaito packing his backpack, drawing his dressing gown over his knees, didn't respond anymore. Barely looked at him, smiled only once in a while.

Gaomon missed the willful brat a little. But he would never say so. They were under contract. "Not really," he said instead of admitting such. "Not yet. Should I?"

"He's already hurt Kei," Kaito responded in that same tired voice. "I'll hurt him if he goes after anyone else."  _If he goes after Aiden._

"How sweet."

Kaito did not agree or disagree. He merely turned off his light and went to lay down in bed. Gaomon waited for his squirming to stop before he joined him.

Alone in his room, his thoughts, only then did Kaito dare to make a sound of pain, to let his thin fingers puncture his sleeves.

 _Did you know he loves you,_ he heard from five hours before. He heard from Kei over the sound of water in a sink.  _Did you know he's loved you since he was seven and stupid? And now he's thirteen and stupid? Because I did and I can't stop hearing it and it feels like vomit. It's not mine and I don't want it. And he's not going to stop until you stop him. Or until he gets his life together. And you can't help that. But you can stop his roll before he hurts someone that's not me._

 _I didn't know_ , he had said. He hadn't known and it filled him with a dread he couldn't understand. Not the one that had told him to confess, or the one that had left that day with so many holes in it, but the one that came from Tsukiko snatching his first kiss because they were too scared to say no to each other, or the way Hirose would bump their shoulders together in solidarity and the idea of losing that made his stomach churn. The dread that had risen when Kei had said no, but abated when he'd heard  _why._

TV and movies were right. Everything changed when someone knew the truth about you. Or at least one secret that means something.

Taesuke was the little follower, the one with the big eyes and the big mouth and certainty that he was gonna be something in this world because everyone in his family was and he had a good foothold. He just wasn't sure yet. And he was also Taesuke the stubborn, selfish bullhead who was in love with him and Kaito had no idea why. And he had no idea what Gaomon had told him or half-told him.

Did it even matter really? All of it were things that he had not told the younger boy, had told almost no one.

Kaito rose from his bed, watched Gaomon shiver for a moment without him with a dispassionate stare. Then he stroked the fur three times and left the room. It would be another sleepless night.

He wasn't the only one who stayed awake that night. But even Taesuke gave up eventually. Kaito, eventually settling in the crook of his mother's arm, did not for a long while.

* * *

Morning came and Taesuke missed it. He woke up at noon with nausea in his gut. The house was even silent, which was rare even if it was just him and Hackmon in the house. And… He looked around. Hackmon hadn't come back into his room.

Taesuke swallowed that guilt. He couldn't even remember what Gaomon had told him, not really. Just something about a ravine, about someone at the bottom, and someone else in tears. The rest was blurry. Even trying to think of it gave his chest an uncomfortable throb.

He left his bedroom, body twinging with every step. He breathed and regretted it. Still, he kept breathing, kept walking until he made it to the living room, where he collapsed into his father's favorite squishy armchair.

Only when he was there did he notice his sister, her Zubamon, and Hackmon all on the sofa. Hackmon wasn't looking at him. Zubamon snored. His sister turned the page of her magazine, her uniform crisp on her shoulders.

"You're not patrolling today?" he croaked out for lack of anything good to say.

"Good morning to you too," she replied, turning another page. "No, I'm on watch duty so you don't go berserk and tear out of the house again. You attacked a fellow officer, Tae."

"So did you." He could remember that.

She snorted. "Yeah, with my voice. And in unofficial capacity. You had your results chip on you. You're lucky you weren't expelled the second your report came through, if you passed at all."

"I did pass." Taesuke had never cared less about anything in his life. "They'd have told someone by now if it was revoked or something."

"Probably. You slept till high noon while you were sulking."

"I was not sulking. I was thinking." He made a face. "You could try it sometime."

"Since all it's done is caused you to hurt our cousin and Hackmon, I'd rather be stupid instead. At least I can be likable."

Taesuke lifted himself up in the chair and immediately regretted it, hissing pain. He sat back. "What happened to me?"

"Automatic defense mechanism of Union Digivices," Tsukiko watched him over the top of her pages. Sure he wasn't going to try something else stupid, she settled back down. "To keep humans from becoming cannon fodder. It shapes itself depending on what the user's thinking. You're lucky Kei was just thinking of passing out. I was thinking of you dangling from the roof by the skin of your legs."

"He's not getting in trouble?"

"He probably is, but that's because you'd be starting on probation if he didn't. He's just not dangerous all the time like they think you are."

 _Then what makes him and Kaito monsters?_ "Hmph."

"Brat."

He stuck his tongue out at her, but then sank into his chair. "Is… is Kaito mad at me?"

"I sure as hell hope so." Tsu finally put her reading down and moved to stand up. "Why can't you ask out your crush like everyone else and just put a love letter in their shoe locker or get rejected behind the school? Why did you have to go and be a creep about it?"

"I wasn't being a creep." It hurt to be angry, but then, it usually did. "I was just excited! He only talked to me because he was your friend!"

"Can't imagine why!" She looked ready to puff out further, the patented Yagami hair floating like it had its own gravity. "You're thirteen, Tae! Thirteen! And you've had seven conversations with him without anyone else! Just get rejected like everyone else and move on and try again when you've lived a little."

"Why?" Why did everyone find this such a big deal?! She crushed on celebrities all the time! Dai had the stupidest crush on Kei and Miya literally winked at her deskmate at least once a week and held hands with her at lunch! Why was he different?!

Tsukiko puffed up further, and it must have been a grandma move because their parents never did that. "Because you're my brother!" she finally snapped, throwing her magazine to the floor. "And you may be a pain in the ass, but you're  _my_  pain in the ass and you're hurting yourself over a boy you don't even know! And you're hurting my best friend by acting like you're  _entitled_ to his attention. You don't know him, Tae! You know this guy who was nice to you because you were small and sad and my brother! I'm his best friend and I barely know him! But I know he doesn't love easy so he wouldn't love you!"

 _But I do,_ he thought mutinously.  _I know he did something bad to make something good happen. I know._

She was gone before he could open his mouth, the door to the bathroom slamming after her.

Rather than go after her, Taesuke sagged into the chair. By the time he opened his eyes again, Hackmon was draped over him like a blanket, and the sun was lower in the windows.

"'M sorry," he mumbled.

Hackmon grunted. "No you're not."

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna stop?"

"I dunno how." He didn't even know  _what_  to stop really.

"Course you don't. That's why I'm here."

Taesuke smiled, and it didn't hurt.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of eye trauma

About a month in, Tsukiko must have taken his miserable silence and exhaustion as not punishment enough because one day she just dropped him in front of Kei of all people. Whose Plotmon had a legitimate love of destroying anyone who had wronged her partner in some way. Whose parents broke every tradition they could to show love.

Also Kei was… well, Kei. His cousin, who had shown him how to climb a tree and how to prank your own partner.

Taesuke had wanted to be him for  _years._  If only for the sake of one person. If only so one person looked at him like he felt he wanted to be seen.

And the Kei in front of him… was not the same one he had looked at through an extra handful of centimeters of height. Kei sat at his desk with a bandage over one eye and a bottle of water next to his pencil. His free hand shook a little and he let out a sigh.

"Tsu," Taesuke hissed as his sister came back munching on what looked like the cookies she'd sworn off because of her favorite actress last week. "What are we doing here?"

"She wants me to show you how to fall properly." Kei yawned. "And her because she always forgets."

"I don't forget!"

"That's why you broke your leg the other day." Kei smiled a little and put his pencil down.

Taesuke's eyes were the size of dinner plates at this point. "You did what." He whirled on his sister. "You did what and didn't tell anyone?!"

"What did you think we did in the Digital World, model for clothes?" His sister puffed up. "Mom and Dad knew, it was all healed ages ago, why did you have to know? Why did you  _tell him_  Kei?"

"Well you let him sign up without telling him that was a hazard from jumping wrong so…" Kei trailed off, smiling again, but with only one eye, it looked a lot less friendly than it usually did. "Did you tell him what practice in the Digital World would be like?"

"Why are we interrogating me all of a sudden?" muttered his sister.

Kei winked at Taesuke. "Well, I figured you were either here for me to teach you how to fall or we were going to have the two of us apologize awkwardly over something we can't really control and thus embarrass the only boys in your life with that camera you've got in your pocket."

Taesuke let out a guffaw as Tsukiko's face burned a brilliant crimson. "Soon as your face gets fixed I'm popping your eye like a zit, Kei!"

"You say that sort of thing much more, Taesuke can report you for misbehavior."

Taesuke stared between the two of them. Then he grinned. "Worse, i can tell mom."

His vision was immediately ruined by Kei's pillow. He thought it was worth it.

* * *

"Is it really that bad out there?"

Tsukiko was still there, having pilfered one of Kei's video games and seemed wholly focused in blowing things up on screen. Her eyes, and thus Kei's one, flicked towards him. "Not as much as it used to be," she said after a couple of minutes. "It's not great but the digital world's not civilized. It's just how it is sometimes."

"You make it sound like it doesn't make sense, or have laws."

"The law is don't be stupid enough to go past territory markers without a plan."

"Is this always what it's like with you two?" Kei rubbed his head. "I'm glad Sonja and I make sense."

"It's only because you don't live with her." Tsukiko swore at the TV before continuing. "You'll get it eventually."

"Great."

Taesuke snickered. Hackmon let out a snore. He absently scratched one of the few areas of fur his partner had free from armor. He watched them both for a while, then he said, because he really couldn't let well enough alone. "Is that what happened to Kaito?"

Both older teens looked at him with something like surprise and Tsukiko with resignation. He was stubborn so what?

Kei then shook his head. "That's complicated and not mine to tell."

"Gaomon told me," Tae said. "And I don't remember most of it. I just know something happened."

Tsu opened her mouth to speak. Then she stopped and looked away.

"Gaomon is important to the work we do," Puku supplied from his spot in Tsukiko's digivice. "But he is in this for his own ends. If you don't remember, it's because he doesn't want you to. And us telling you won't change your memory."

Taesuke laughed. "What, did he curse me or something?"

The others didn't laugh.

Slowly, the realization crept up on him that they weren't joking. "What, like a virus? Or…"

"No idea." Kei's voice was thoughtful. "But whatever it is, he doesn't want you to die. Yet."

"My brother's not going to die, Kei, don't be morbid." Tsukiko chucked his game chip at his head, only for it to be swiped harmlessly out of the air.

"Risk of the job, Tsu." Kei sighed. "Tae, you-"

"Is that what's up with Kaito?" Taesuke interrupted. "Is he cursed too? Is that why he's so cold all the time?"

Tsukiko groaned. "Tae, no that's not it."

"Then what is?! Why don't you just spill it and-"

"She doesn't know." Kei stretched out of his chair, almost catlike. "It's a higher up level secret. She didn't see the event. I did, and I have full disclosure on what went on. Unfortunately, you don't have the clearance and me telling you won't matter because you won't remember it once you leave the room. That's my best guess."

"Why?!" Why did everyone know things but him?

"Because you knowing means more people will know and that many knowing is a danger to Kaito, in his opinion." Kei began unraveling the bandages over his face. Tae looked away. "And for everything that is absolutely without a doubt a problem with Gaomon, he cares for Kaito above all else. For good or bad. So you won't know until you get the curse broken, which means you need to get into a very rough branch of Union. They're the only dedicated curse breakers around."

"You really do want to kill my brother, I knew it." Tsukiko muttered irritably into the controller she'd wedged into her own hands. "Only you would suggest my slacker idiot aims for the branch you  _quit._ "

"I only quit because they kept threatening to dissect me." Kei covered his face with one hand, scrounging in his drawer with the other.

"My brother doesn't need that-"

"Right here, sis." Taesuke made a face at her. "What am I supposed to  _do_  anyway?"

"Leave Earth for high school." Tsukiko huffed. "Go to super advanced exams and training for the next two years. Study until your eyes turn red. Get Hackmon to Mega."

Taesuke blinked. Then he grinned. "That sounds like fun!"

"Tae!"

"It does! And it's better than sitting on my heels all day!" He puffed out his cheeks. "Come on sis, I got into Union! I'll be fine!"

"You said that about middle school and I still don't believe it."

Kei turned his head, digging to tie a new set of bandages on. "It's your choice Tae."

"And I've made it. I'm gonna do whatever I gotta." Taesuke continued to pet Hackmon. "I've caused a lot of trouble I think and… well there's no way to go but up, right? Where do I start?"

Tsukiko made a noise between a sigh and a snort. "All right fine, I'll train you. Start running, brat."

Kei laughed at them.


	7. VII

Training was hell.

Training was absolutely unforgivable hell. How had his sister been doing this for so many years?

Taesuke dragged his legs forward down the track. Just trying to eke out this one last part of the mile. His supervisor looked at him over her orange baseball cap with a complete disinterest. And it burned. "Stop Yagami. No need to overdo it."

"Yes ma'am," he wheezed as he ground to a halt, eyes wide, body aching.

She didn't tut, didn't show any real disappointment. But then this girl didn't show much of anything but the constant tension in her shoulders. "Your stamina's terrible. I thought you played soccer."

"I do!" he managed to say through gasps for air. "We don't run like this for hours in a row though!"

"It's been an hour and a half you brat." Again, no real concern. "Drink some water and get back out there."

"Y-Yes ma'am."

Hackmon was still on the track for a minute. But at the sight of Taesuke flopped helplessly in the grass, he waddled over and sat beside him. "You suck."

"Do not."

"You barely made a mile."

"You're a Digimon. 'S not the same."

"You're a human who plays sports. It should be."

"Only cause dad played." Dad had showed him how to play. Tsu hadn't wanted to, only Dai had wanted to and now Dai didn't want to do  _anything_  with him anymore. He'd been the one who got hurt and Dai was mad, he didn't get it! Even though everyone else (except Kaito) seemed to be better. Maybe Dai was just bitter.

"Weak."

"I am not!"

"If you have enough energy to yell, you have enough energy to run."

Taesuke made a face at Hackmon and rolled himself over to stand. As he got to his feet, he caught a glimpse of Kaito walking on the other side of the fence. Gaomon trotted loyally at his side, eyes roving around as he padded along. Taesuke froze up as they fell on him. A smile crossed the dog's face, almost all teeth. He placed a gloved paw on Kaito's back. The human paused, turned his head, looked.

For a moment, Kaito's eyes met Taesuke's own. And that moment seemed to last much longer than it ought to have, quite reasonably. Heck, Tae could hear his own heartbeat! That wasn't normal right?

Then it ended and Kaito pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Tae risked a glance at his coach, who was turned to face another trainee. Then, he jogged to the fence, managing to get there just as Kaito put his phone away.

"Kaito!" He shouldn't sound so happy. He didn't mean to. He hadn't seen the other this close in three weeks, with training and, well, everything. But he couldn't help it, really. It was… really nice to get someone still willing to look him in the eye after, well, everything. Tsu didn't even eat meals with him anymore. She was barely home anymore anyway, to their mother's chagrin.

He wouldn't have minded, except he remembered her face during their fight. So stricken and cold and  _hurt._

"Are you in love with my sister?" As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he threw his hands over his face. "No, I didn't want to ask that, I didn't mean to say that, are you okay,  _that's_ what I meant to say." He shut himself up with an audible clack and earned some sound - not a laugh, not even close to a laugh - in return.

"Of course I'm not," was his actual reply. "To both of those questions. Why would I love your sister?"

"I dunno, why wouldn't you?" Sure, he thought Tsu was a butt sometimes and she was bad at sharing, but his heart always went back to every time he got too sick to get out of bed how she'd come straight home and tell him how his friends were and got his homework and made the miso taste good. She was still his sister and she loved sometimes when it was weird. So he couldn't think of a reason why not.

Kaito only shrugged, scratched Gaomon behind the ears. "Her writing's messy and she's loud," he said. "She thinks romance movies are stupid and won't watch them with me. She hates the way I sleep and I don't like anyone who wears headphones to bed."

"I'm loud," Taesuke objected. "Dad said loud people are usually honest."

"Or poor liars." There was a pause. "And I'm not in love with you either."

"... I didn't think so."

Everyone said your heart breaks when you're rejected. Taesuke just felt at most like there was a cookie crumbling in his chest.

"Can't help hoping though," he said, trying to sound cheery. He thought he succeeded.

"No you can't, really." Kaito glanced back at him. "I'm sorry, Taesuke. I really didn't know."

"Everyone else did." Tae paused. "That wasn't what I meant, I just… why didn't you?"

"Why didn't you notice I liked Kei?"

"Because everyone does." It was easier to say it this time, not as harsh or mean. "Even Tsu likes him. Not like that but she likes him better than she likes hanging with me sometimes, even though he's lied so much and even though he didn't like you back." Taesuke shook his head miserably. "I thought it wouldn't mean anything. It never does for everyone else."

"I'm stubborn unlike everyone else." Kaito smiled at him, and it was small and private and Taesuke couldn't stop just looking at it, at the tilt of his lips. "It didn't work out though."

"I, I wish it did a little." It surprised him that he really did, that all those feelings Kaito must have had had gone to somewhere, unlike him, except now they're both in limbo, with nowhere to go, not even up or down.

"Maybe there's hope for you yet then," Hackmon said dryly and Taesuke put all his strength into stomping on his partner's paw.

Kaito didn't laugh or smile again, but his eyes were quiet. "Talk to me about it when you're older."

"Are you really not in love with me because I'm thirteen?"

Kaito raised an eyebrow. "It's not  _helping_."

"But I-" Taesuke stopped himself. "Oh. Okay. You just got dumped. I'm flying at the speed of sound."

Kaito almost laughed. Taesuke watched his eyes crinkle, watched his lips quirk up, and felt warmth flush his face. "Now you're getting it."

Gaomon laughed instead and Taesuke shivered. All the warmth was gone. "Your instructor is watching you, little boy," crooned the dog.

That was the only warning Taesuke received before a hand dragged him away from the fence and threw him bodily onto the track. When he looked up from his now officially irate coach, Kaito was gone like he'd never been there in the first place.

Taesuke was half sure he'd imagined him now.

But… this was his curse. And he had to break it. And he had to get his answers. And if training was where he would start, then it was.

And no matter how long it took, he would  _kill_  that Gaomon. It was a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I really didn't intend for it to end this way entirely. Also today was a two chapter update! Make sure you read the previous one! But anyway, back to what i was saying. This was going to end with them not together. That was something i decided from day one. Neither of these characters are remotely ready for that and even if they were, Tae is kind of a moron. Kaito is mentally and emotionally screwed up and it has a lot to do with Gaomon. And also to do with life. But I won't talk about that here. 
> 
> The next new fic in this series will be Don't Think Twice, which is for Kaito, followed by Face My Fears (because I am a shameless KH fan) which will explore Kaito and Kei's unorthodox friendship, Kei's asexuality, just what makes these kiddos monsters in their own minds, and probably some Hirose. But this will be after I write the rest of Sweet Song, Dearly Beloved and Celebration.
> 
> This probably isn't the last you see of Tae. I have to figure out just where he's going to go now that he's had his own little sidestory. So until then, thank you so much for reading. Please drop a review, it really helps me out and as always, thank you for dropping by.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is a... sidestory for In Prayer. Yet another one. I was supposed to do the Daisuke-centric one first but i'll get back to that one. Anyway this was a request from destiny chosen, that I was going to end up going through anyway because both of these characters come up in Sweet Song. So we're getting this a bit early. To clarify, this first chapter takes place at the end of My Sanctuary and before Sweet Song starts. So no spoilers now, and I'm going to try and keep them out of here as much as possible. But we'll see.
> 
> Challenges: Minific Masterclass Small MC (02) list 1, Mega Prompts Quote Prompts 143.


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